*note: i wrote this poem in 2004 and included it in my book, Nonnie And The Butterfly in 2008. it is about the trials of life, hanging tough through it all, and eventually coming out the other side...stronger and joyous ("the sweet today"). basically it is about looking within, throwing out the crap stuff...and holding onto the good and needed. it is about LIFE.
personally, i am now in the "sweet today" part of my journey (reflected in the latter portion of the poem). i don't say this lightly. life has been a long hard slog/climb/walk/marathon. but today is even sweeter because i made it through the muck and over to the light of love. selah. i am utterly grateful to Christ. i hope you enjoy! -peace
personally, i am now in the "sweet today" part of my journey (reflected in the latter portion of the poem). i don't say this lightly. life has been a long hard slog/climb/walk/marathon. but today is even sweeter because i made it through the muck and over to the light of love. selah. i am utterly grateful to Christ. i hope you enjoy! -peace
*******
how many years has it been?
how many hours have you spent
waking to the morning light
tossing and turning
happily desiring
the embrace of insanity
walking through your life
as if a ghost of discontentment
carelessly wondering about
that certain unsettling sensation
allowing it to overtake your soul
fear has indeed become your partner
thoughts of past brutality,
harsh memories, lost dreams,
unmet needs cling to your spirit
acknowledgement somehow seems like an unsavory feast
you try to reason it all away
don’t feel, don’t touch, don’t remember
instead you smile, you laugh
you love
no, you don’t love
you don’t love because
you don’t know how to anymore
you are incapable because
you have let death hold your hand
anxiety and worry roam freely inside your heart
you loved like a child once
before the pain
now your love reveals the mark of an empty vessel
draining you into the darkest of oblivion you run on nothingness
nothing to give in truth, clamouring for hope
an exercise in futility
one day you will wake and movement will leave you
you will try to turn and your body will protest
your heart and spirit refusing to drown again
in its continuous state of desperation
because they yearn for peace and calmness
desiring to soak up the forgotten gift of joy
they will turn on you
that is the day you will begin to listen
you have no choice
you belong to them
on that day your heart will yell that it has had enough
your spirit will grab your stubbornness and turn it inside out
enough hiding, enough pretending, enough of the facade
enough, enough, enough
dear precious lord
dear precious lord
enough
it is done
you have lost your battle
your rescuer has pushed up through the earth of your spirit
and has planted new seeds of hope upon your dying heart
you will face the known unknown of pain
your soul will screen the horrors of locked away minutes
crashing purposefully into your eyes
you will cry, scream, and suffer
a blessed moment in time
you will begin to realize that the struggle was over
even before you started to deny yourself all of those years ago
the battle never belonged to you
yet, you fought
warring against yourself
will you continue to struggle?
refusing to see the beauty that gracefully lines your face
turning from the loveliness that has attached itself
to your being over the many years
choosing to shut your mind to
the wonderment of lessons learned
through the pain of time
today
fight it if you like
you will lose
today
is the hour to lift your hands to the heavens
and let its gentleness fold into your heart
today
you will find the strength to push through
the searing fire of past mistakes
failed choices
lost and unrealized love
today
the angels will surround you in a glorious ring of freedom
grace and faith clothing you in wisdom
today
you will remember what it is like to live with childlike abandon
surrendering into the arms of the divine father
today
your passion will embrace the life of love
which has been your gift
all along
today
is destined to be the sweetest of all
the acceptance of love
the completeness of
you
******
Copyright 2008 Regina Y. Evans All Rights Reserved (From the published book Nonnie and the Butterfly)
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