i was listening to a sermon by td jakes. for some christian folks they will know him as a prominent preacher. well, i don't exactly go to church..much. pretty much never anymore. so i kinda know him as the "youtube" preacher! he has some really great sermons. anyway, i was listening to this sermon the other day and he said this "there are those of you who have grown to despise your own heart." and as those word floated out of his mouth they pinged me in my spirit. hard.......
.....he said that those with a huge capacity to love often feel weak..because they get knocked over, abused, betrayed etc, etc. i know all of these things...as do many of us. i have wanted to be a warrior kinda chick. but in truth i am not. i am not the "imma pray against you" type of chick. I am more the "im gonna pray for you and help you even though you tried to screw my life up" kinda chick. and truth be told...that is a painful posture. however.......
.......when i heard those words...it just felt so great. so i have decided to stop despising my heart of love and to stop wishing for a warrior chicks heart. i don't have it. i have really tried. ive been extremely angry that i dont have that kinda heart, in fact! however, as i ponder...wow...am i glad that i am not burdened with such a thing. hearts like that can be prime territory for pride. ive seen it. up close and personal. a terrible beast it can be. even seems like strength. but doesn't Christ say "my power is made perfect in your weakness?" so, hey, i reckon that He, Christ, is on to something and i rather flow in that river.
....so in my attempt to not wanna entertain a beast in my spirit...i've decided to LOVE my heart of love. to delve into it more. see what this thing in me is all about. i reckon the best place to do so is in a beautiful garden.
stay true. to you.
everything thing gon be alright.
the heart should always remember to laugh and smile. it is what it is. love.